Thursday, 1 October 2009

Not a good day

I called HR and it was confirmed what I already knew. The guy driving the car past me yesterday morning got the job.

Reed called and told me that although they had done their best to "big me up", the manager took one look at my CV and assumed that the no brainer work would be too mundane for me.

I got a call from my Kid Brother. Dad has been taken into hospital with another suspected heart attack. His heart was racing, he had collapsed and they were trying to stabilise him. He was at work as there wasn't much for him to do at the hospital (Dad had told him to fuck off) and he would check in on him later.

I spent a large portion of the day suppressing a panic attack.

So. No pressure for the interview for this afternoon then, eh?

I spent most of the day torturing myself with worst case scenarios which usually finished with me losing my house before killing myself (pills, mainly, washed down with a little booze).

I'm depressed, okay? Thoughts about killing myself tend to be fairly routine. Taking steps towards killing myself, like hoarding pills that's when I go see the doctor.

That reminds me. I need more sleeping tablets.

Kidding. I'm only kidding. In a depressed, deadpan kind of way.

The interview went okay. Not brilliant. Not perfect. Okay. On arrival, I was left waiting in the area where people sat waiting to register a death.

Luckily, with my dark interview clothes and miserable face, I blended right in.

After the interview, I called in on Proactive on the way home and they told me that they'd got some feedback already.

Oh, yes?

I seemed very stressed.

I told her about the shitty day I'd had and that I was still waiting for news about my Dad being hospitalised.

She sympathised and said it was surprising that I didn't cancel.

No. I needed the money too badly.

She gave a nervous laugh and wished me luck.

I went home and sat on the phone.

Kid Brother called and told me that Dad had probably mixed up his medicines and his blood pressure had plummeted. His medicines were being rejigged and he wasn't going to be let out until tomorrow morning.

Phew! No need for me to go back to London, bankrupting myself and losing my house. Yet.

One more online job application making twenty three in total.